no celebrating for us today :-(

So, this week Gracie's birthmother contacts me by IM (the only way we ever talk and not that much) and asks me if I know of any birthmother celebrations (today is Birth Mother's Day if you didn't know). I do some research, find one in our area and give her the info as soon as I get it...she asked on Wed and I got the info on Thurs. She never said she wanted to know for her or 'us', I wasn't sure. Then Thurs night she IMs that she would like for us to go, but she 'understands'. I replied understands what? Did she want to go? What?

I hear nothing until about noon on Friday when she says she can't go because she doesn't have a babysitter or a car. I knew in my heart all along that she wouldn't go so I wasn't surprised. This is our 5th Birth Mother's Day and we've not 'celebrated' one of them...three of them because of huge things going on such as when I had to get an order of protection to keep her away from Gracie and I or last year when she had me arrested under completely false charges.

Despite all that had happened, I would have went. Since she couldn't go to the BM celebration she wanted to get together with us today for BM's day and see us...go to lunch, something. I absolutely did not want to go. I told her that a formal event was one thing, this was another and that she had just got to see Gracie the week before. She put the guilt on me about how much she wanted this, etc etc. I finally talked to Dave and a close friend about the whole thing. We decided that we would ask her to join us at the mall for the kids zone fun and then to go to lunch afterwards. Sometime to get together, but keep it short and simple. She had assured me by IM that she had a car available to use. Gracie said she wanted to see her and wanted to do this. I finally made the decision for Gracie and for myself (so that it could not be held over me that I wouldn't let her see Gracie on BM Day).

I texted her (at the number she gave me), no word back. I sent her an IM (no word back). I wrote her a mesage (no word back). Then after a little bit I saw that she had read the message...STILL no word back...nothing. I sent another that she needed to let me know if she was coming or not. We were changing plans to do this with her and we had to know what to tell Gracie...no word back. I got up 3 times during the night...no word back. At 7:30 this morning I IM'd and messaged her that if we didn't hear from her by 9:30 about whether she was coming or not we'd make alternative plans.....9:30 came and went and no word back. I wrote that we would go on with other plans.

THEN I had to go have a discussion with Gracie about how she wasn't going to get to see her BM on BM's Day after all. She was quite upset. It wasn't much fun and I was extremely upset...especially since she couldn't even let me know she wasn't coming. I told Gracie that I would not let her keep getting hurt. She told me that I needed to tell her BM that and I explained that I have over and over for almost 5 years. There was much more discussion but she finally accepted that not only wasn't she coming but that we weren't even going to hear from her. She was really upset and I was very angry.

So off we went to have some family time today and thankfully Gracie just moved on and had a great day. However we got back home and as of this time we still haven't heard a word from her. So I went out on a limb that I wasn't real comfortable going out on and once again no follow up and Gracie got hurt again. Not going to happen again at all. I promised Gracie that.

I'm just not happy. At the very least we should have heard something to say she couldn't come today or why she didn't...but nothing. Why am I not surprised? But I am tired of my daughter getting hurt and it's not going to happen any more. She's been through enough and so have all of us.